Friday, October 26, 2012

Baby got boobs

Don’t you just love bra shopping? 

Not me. I hate it. There was a time I enjoyed it but that was in my 20’s. 

I am a larger size. Like a 36D/38C. They’re far too big. 

Hubster likes them. Even loves them. But guys are boob obsessed. They have the “bigger is better” mind frame. 

Not me. I want small and perky. Instead I have big and saggy.

Am I sharing too much? I have four kids… nursed all of them. Common sense will tell you the “girls” have headed south. And not just for the season. I think it’ll be a permanent stay. 

On a bad day, I have two muffin tops… one in my stomach region and another coming from my left boob. That’s my larger one. 

I try on bras before I buy them and they “seem” to work out in the fitting room. Eventually I end up with muffin top boobs. Especially when that bitch Flo is about to make her grand appearance. 

Big boobas cause trouble for a lot of reasons. Some include:

1. Running: I’ve got to support the crap out of them. Wrapping them in duct tape is really the only sure support.

2. Fitted button-up shirts. The problem is it pulls away in the boob area. Leaving a gap in the middle and my boobs playing peek-a-boo with the world. Sure a larger shirt will help with that, but I’m on the shorter side. What’s better… my boobs giving a free peep show or a shirt hanging over my ass when it shouldn’t be? A tailor you say? Screw it. I’ll just wear a t-shirt. 

3. Bra selections. First of all… bra makers need to stop putting the word “sexy” on the tags. Just stop. There is nothing sexy about a bra the size of a newborn baby (cups alone). The shoulder straps are as wide as my thigh and the closure in the back is 3, sometimes 4, clasps. Sure the prints are cute on some bras. Let’s be real though. You see a cute pair of jeans in a size 2. You reach into the rack and pull out your actual size which happens to be a few (or many in my case) sizes bigger. The appeal is gone. Small = cuter. Plain and simple!

4. Food trap… that’s all, it’s a food trap. Food that doesn’t quite make it to my mouth either goes down into the valley of darkness between the mountains or directly on to the mountains. And bending over a dish of food… well, I’m sure you catch my drift.

It’s funny. I actually meant to write about how much bra shopping sucks for me but it turned into a boob rant. Cara and I are both very familiar with the annoyances of having big boobs. Maybe I can talk Cara into writing her point of view. Stayed tuned.

Feel free to leave your boob grips in the comments… we heart comments. 

(Big thanks to Busty Girl Comics for the awesome pictures.)


  1. I feel your pain. Honestly, my dream is a breast reduction... in the meantime, I've found that Lane Bryant does a great job with the bra dilemma. I actually went in and had them do a bra fitting. Yeah, they don't sell my correct size at Walmart, but I swear having a good bra makes a big difference. While their bras are expensive, having one that fits properly helps my clothes fit better too!

    1. I've heard LB has some nice bras. I got a few at Kohl's... they seem to be holding steady! Keeping the girls in position is definitely important. Thanks for the comment!


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