Thursday, October 11, 2012

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bathroom


This week I had the pleasure of attending a Windows Access Queries class (and you thought you were jealous of Mel for no school fundraisers…hah!).  I was feeling pretty good – nicely caffeinated, had a light lunch that was on track with my diet, and was wearing comfy clothes and boots.  I was on time...ok, I was a minute late but the instructor was 3 minutes late so I still consider this a success.  Training started.  Mr. Instructor instantly annoyed me but I put my game face on and resorted myself to the fact that I would be spending the next 3 ½ hours with the man.  Our goal was to learn more about Queries – setting up different scenarios to pull information from various tables into one document.  I know…exciting.  I’m getting paid to do these classes for my new side gig so I didn’t really care. 
Things were going fine, each new skill wasn’t too difficult to pick up.  I am no computer whiz so this was a relief to me.  Then the instructor moved into putting in formulas for fields.  In order to not bore you and have you stop reading my post, I’ll just cut to the main point.  I was a shining star with this shiz.   He started with easy formulas then put a more complicated result on the board that he wanted to test us with.  Before he was done giving instructions, I had typed it up.  Mr. Instructor looked at me looking at him while everyone else was typing, looking at their screens.  “Do you need help?” he asked.  “No, I’m done,” I replied.  I could tell by the way he sauntered over to me, he really was excited about a teaching moment.  He looked at it.  “You got it!  Are you sure you don’t have a background in computer programming?” he asked.  “Nope.  I guess my brain just is working today.”  I shrug and mentally give myself a high five.  And if you are at the edge of your seat, wondering what this marvelous formula was, it was [City] & “,” & [State] & “ “ & [Zip]. 

He then asked the 3 people that got the formula correct to help the others.  I felt like an Access goddess.  

Fast forward an hour and it was time for our break.  We had taken in a lot of new information…I could have easily crashed for the rest of the afternoon but I was still feeling pretty studly.  A little fried but still on my game (I thought).  I headed out into the building in search of the restroom since it seemed like a prudent thing to do during our one break.  I walked in and thought, “Huh, this is a huge bathroom and there’s only two stalls?  What a waste of space!  This is a busy place, that doesn’t make sense.”  I picked a stall and then felt my face heat up and lose color as I realized, “Huh, I actually do not recall looking at the Women’s sign as I walked in.  O…M…G…am I in the Men’s room???  No, I’m sure I’m on auto-pilot and just can’t remember that detail and surely I saw it and went into the right one.”  I was the only one in the restroom and I was thanking my lucky stars for that JUST in case I did make a mistake.  I quickly left the stall and noticed the row of urinals along the wall justifying so much space before the stalls.  Ladies, urinals are a bad sign since, ya know, we DON’T USE THEM!  I made a beeline to the door, didn’t even wash my hands lest a MAN walked into the appropriate bathroom for HIM.  As I left, of course a man was walking up to the door and did a double take at the ladies room.  “Yep,” I said to him, “I went in the wrong one.”  He laughed and went into the correct bathroom.  

I darted into the ladies room and felt comforted by the long row of stalls.  I washed my hands and just looked at myself in the mirror and laughed.  The universe has a funny way of making sure you stay humble.  I may be an Access Ace but I can still flub up a simple trip to the bathroom.  My brilliant moment had passed and for the rest of the afternoon, I stayed pretty quiet.  I had reached my Access peak and I didn’t dare want to ruin my reputation with my Access homeys that I will never see again. 

Au Revoir, Windows Access, it’s been grand! And from now on, I will be much more diligent about looking for that cute A-line dress-wearing, faceless/hairless woman pictogram!



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