A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bathroom

                                         

This week I had the pleasure of attending a Windows Access Queries class (and you thought you were jealous of Mel for no school fundraisers…hah!).  I was feeling pretty good – nicely caffeinated, had a light lunch that was on track with my diet, and was wearing comfy clothes and boots.  I was on time...ok, I was a minute late but the instructor was 3 minutes late so I still consider this a success.  Training started.  Mr. Instructor instantly annoyed me but I put my game face on and resorted myself to the fact that I would be spending the next 3 ½ hours with the man.  Our goal was to learn more about Queries – setting up different scenarios to pull information from various tables into one document.  I know…exciting.  I’m getting paid to do these classes for my new side gig so I didn’t really care. 
 

Things were going fine, each new skill wasn’t too difficult to pick up.  I am no computer whiz so this was a relief to me.  Then the instructor moved into putting in formulas for fields.  In order to not bore you and have you stop reading my post, I’ll just cut to the main point.  I was a shining star with this shiz.   He started with easy formulas then put a more complicated result on the board that he wanted to test us with.  Before he was done giving instructions, I had typed it up.  Mr. Instructor looked at me looking at him while everyone else was typing, looking at their screens.  “Do you need help?” he asked.  “No, I’m done,” I replied.  I could tell by the way he sauntered over to me, he really was excited about a teaching moment.  He looked at it.  “You got it!  Are you sure you don’t have a background in computer programming?” he asked.  “Nope.  I guess my brain just is working today.”  I shrug and mentally give myself a high five.  And if you are at the edge of your seat, wondering what this marvelous formula was, it was [City] & “,” & [State] & “ “ & [Zip]. 

He then asked the 3 people that got the formula correct to help the others.  I felt like an Access goddess.  

Fast forward an hour and it was time for our break.  We had taken in a lot of new information…I could have easily crashed for the rest of the afternoon but I was still feeling pretty studly.  A little fried but still on my game (I thought).  I headed out into the building in search of the restroom since it seemed like a prudent thing to do during our one break.  I walked in and thought, “Huh, this is a huge bathroom and there’s only two stalls?  What a waste of space!  This is a busy place, that doesn’t make sense.”  I picked a stall and then felt my face heat up and lose color as I realized, “Huh, I actually do not recall looking at the Women’s sign as I walked in.  O…M…G…am I in the Men’s room???  No, I’m sure I’m on auto-pilot and just can’t remember that detail and surely I saw it and went into the right one.”  I was the only one in the restroom and I was thanking my lucky stars for that JUST in case I did make a mistake.  I quickly left the stall and noticed the row of urinals along the wall justifying so much space before the stalls.  Ladies, urinals are a bad sign since, ya know, we DON’T USE THEM!  I made a beeline to the door, didn’t even wash my hands lest a MAN walked into the appropriate bathroom for HIM.  As I left, of course a man was walking up to the door and did a double take at the ladies room.  “Yep,” I said to him, “I went in the wrong one.”  He laughed and went into the correct bathroom.  

I darted into the ladies room and felt comforted by the long row of stalls.  I washed my hands and just looked at myself in the mirror and laughed.  The universe has a funny way of making sure you stay humble.  I may be an Access Ace but I can still flub up a simple trip to the bathroom.  My brilliant moment had passed and for the rest of the afternoon, I stayed pretty quiet.  I had reached my Access peak and I didn’t dare want to ruin my reputation with my Access homeys that I will never see again. 

Au Revoir, Windows Access, it’s been grand! And from now on, I will be much more diligent about looking for that cute A-line dress-wearing, faceless/hairless woman pictogram!

 

School fundraisers and handmade crocheted goods

Get ready to be jealous… very, very jealous! 

Boy1 goes to a choice school in our area. It’s an awesome school that offers limited enrollment and focuses strongly on technology and arts. We feel very fortunate that Boy1’s name was drawn out of the hundreds that signed up. Every year a lottery is held to choose the new lucky kindergartners. Any younger siblings have automatic enrollment once they enter school. We couldn’t be happier!

On top of the being the most favored choice school in our area, there are no fundraisers. I repeat no fundraisers! Our kids are not forced to sell crap. No gift wrap, no magazines, no cookie dough! Instead we hold an auction. It’s a great auction. Everything is donated. I’m talking trips, NFL game tickets, huge and extravagant gift baskets. It’s a beautiful site. The auction generally pulls in over $20,000 for the school. Amazing, huh?

This year (and last year) I am donating 2 sets of handmade scarves and handwarmers. One is an adult size and another is a child’s size. The adult one is brown with specks of orange and blue and the child one is fun and colorful. The child one is adorable.

Child size handwarmers and scarf

I am hoping to sell them at some point. I really enjoy making them and the variety of colors is never ending. 

If anyone is interested, contact me and I'll hook you up! Message me on our Facebook page!

Bust a Move

James has entered my marriage.  He’s a fast-talking, funny man in his 30s with swaggering hips and sparkly shoes.  James…is our dance instructor.  

Studmuffin, who has a history of very well planned gifts, got us dance lessons for our 12 year anniversary.  Does Studmuffin like to dance?  No.  Can Studmuffin dance?  No.  Studmuffin is a tall, lanky white boy from Wisconsin.  He couldn’t do the running man if his life depended on it.  I do give him credit, he does his best when the occasion calls for dancing (aka weddings).  But mostly I dance and he holds on or stands and bounces a bit.  The only song he will fast dance willingly to is “Ice, Ice Baby” and it is a very incredible sight that not many people have seen.  And yes, I will record it for you next time he does it (I’ll have to get a spy camera though as to not make the boy self-conscious).

I’ve always loved to dance.  I’m not the best at it but since I have a healthy dose of self-esteem and don’t embarrass easily, I will get out on that dance floor and have myself a good time.  I never was in dance lessons as a child (which I regret but didn’t have much say in it) and I have dreams of learning ballet and tap.  I LOVE Zumba and really want to try Bollywood classes.  Dancing makes me happy and it’s a great way to destress and get a good workout.  My main challenge now is to find the time/energy to go out dancing and to find one of my similarly tired mommy friends to drag along with me.  

Over the course of our 16 year relationship (yes, it took 4 years for the proposal), Studmuffin and I have taken a few swing dance lessons.  Never went well.  I have a hard time following if my leading man doesn’t actually TAKE the lead.  Take command of me, and I will follow.  Be a limp noodle, I’ll show you how it’s done.  This frustrated Studmuffin so lessons never went so well.  Its probably been a good 10 years since we gave it a shot.

So lo and behold, Studmuffin signs us up for a month long class called “Wedding Dances” at a place nearby called Tropical Ballroom.  The name and website looked a bit cheesy but I was so thrilled Studmuffin was going to give it a try again, I would have agreed to meet up with Dancing Danny in an alley somewhere.  We arrange for a babysitter and it seemed even Studmuffin was excited to see how it would go.  

And then we meet James.  He’s very handsome, fit, and always has good breath.  He cracks jokes by the minute and is very gregarious.  Everyone loves him.  Very quickly he understands how much of a stretch this is for Studmuffin and is very kind and supportive.  He tells Studmuffin that his goal is to find his rhythm – he has some, it is just buried very deep.  

We’ve had 3 lessons so far and I have to say – we are getting pretty good at the waltz and rumba.  My favorite moment so far is when we finally figured out a spin while waltzing.  I went spinning and felt Studmuffin’s hand on my back, guiding my spin.  I finished spinning, Studmuffin grabbed on…and we moved right into the next step together.  It was awesome and sexy and so much fun.  That’s when Studmuffin told me I had to be careful about smiling at him.  I flashed him a big smile as we continued to waltz and he completely lost his concentration.  It’s pretty special to know that my smile still has that kind of power over him.    

     

I wouldn’t say that romance was ever lost with us but as with a lot of you, daily life – especially as parents – can get in the way of the relationship that started it all.  We are busy and tired.  It takes more effort to be romantic after 16 years.  So I have to thank James and his dance classes for giving Studmuffin and I a chance to slow down and just be us again - to feel connected and to focus on each other for an hour.  We have really enjoyed the classes and today Studmuffin mentioned that he wouldn’t mind continuing after our month is over.  This says a lot about our experience.  Now I just need to ask James how to order matching sequined outfits!  

                         

                    This will be us in maybe 6 more sessions!  

Pineapple Chicken Salad

Darling (14 yr/old daughter) was confirmed this past weekend. I was having a hard time coming up with food ideas for her party. I knew I wanted something different. Not weird just different. My family’s taste buds are not very… um, let’s say exotic. 

We played around with ideas of a taco bar and baked potato bar. Darling wanted a pasta bar. All are good ideas but they don’t work too well with kids and/or people that aren’t eating at a table. Kinda messy. 

Sandwiches always seem to go over well. But again, I wanted something different, something exciting. I often remember a chicken salad croissant I had at a wedding reception. It was years ago, in fact the couple is now divorced… I doubt it was because of the chicken salad though because that shiz was good. Anyway, chicken salad sandwiches are what we decided on. When I say “we” I mean me. 

The recipe I found on Pinterest turned out pretty great. I was happy I made them. Not everyone enjoyed them but I did and frankly, that’s all that really mattered. Oh and bonus, Cara was at the party too. She said she liked them and I believe her. 

Here’s what I used:

2 1/2 cups chopped cooked chicken breast (about 1 pound). Please please please don't use canned chicken
1 1/4 cup mayonnaise (more or less depending on creamy desire)
½ cup finely chopped onions
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple in juice, drained

For what it’s worth, these are estimations. I am terrible at using the exact amount. They’re very close though.

I made half with pineapple and half without. I served them with tomatoes, lettuce and the choice of Swiss or Provolone cheese. I gave my guests 2 bread choices: mini French loaf or onion poppy ciabatta. I tried both and liked them both equally. 

The original recipe calls for a few more things that were sure to put a look of disgust on my boys’ face. Since I wanted them to eat, we skipped those ingredients.

And because you are curious, here’s some other items on our menu:

Slow cooked meatballs in cream of mushroom soup with a dash or two of milk.

Pudding parfait cups. chocolate and vanilla pudding with whipped cream on top.

Sliced green, red, yellow and orange peppers w/dip. Fill individual cups with a couple tablespoons    of vegetable dip and add long slices of peppers to the cup. 

The usually olives and pickles.

7-Up and sherbet punch with floating fruit.

There you have it! 

Biscuit donuts

Dovetailing off Cara's donut post…

Here is a quick, super easy and sweet snack. I haven’t mentioned this yet, I am an in-home daycare provider. I crave fun, new snack ideas. When my food program coordinator told me about this delicious little creation, I jumped on it.

I was fairly positive the kids would love them, but they’re kind of funny sometimes. I have one that doesn’t like chocolate and another that doesn’t like peanut butter… obviously both are aliens from another planet. This recipe doesn’t call for either chocolate or pb, I was just proving my “kind of funny” thought. In the end, I was right. Now when I make them, I seriously have kids breaking out their best dance moves. They love the faux donuts.

What you're going to need:

A tubed package of buttermilk biscuits or you can make your own. I wouldn't use the flaky layered kind or frozen biscuits.

Butter or margarine

White sugar

Brown sugar

Now let’s prep ‘em:

Get out a cookie sheet or cake pan… really doesn’t matter

Open tubed package (don't worry, we all react as if it's a "jack in the box" and jump once it pops).

Place individual biscuits on pan.

Spread butter onto each biscuit – you may need to soften the butter.

In a small bowl, mix in about 1/8 - 1/4 cup of each sugar. Swirl together.*

Press buttered side of each biscuit into the sugar mixture.

Place biscuit back on pan.

Get baking ‘em:

Follow baking instructions on the biscuit tube

Usually 375° for 15 minutes. 

Bake until golden brown 

*If you have leftover sugar, seal it up and store it for next time. Believe me… there will be a next time.

For different variations, we’ve used cinnamon instead of brown sugar. We have also added colored sugar sprinkles (holiday biscuits) to a white sugared biscuit. 

Another idea I tried, butter the biscuits, cut them into smaller pieces. Evenly lay out the pieces, be sure they're touching each other, in a cake pan and sprinkle sugar mixture on top. Bake and eat as a pull-apart snack.